When we talk about authenticity, we're really talking about being our true selves. And being our true selves means that we can shine in every single unique aspect of who we really are. It’s hard to find someone (including myself) being 100% authentic every moment of their day. But it’s worth striving for, because
the pay-off of being authentic is more freedom, happiness, energy & confidence.
But being authentic is hard sometimes. And I know that because I’m human!
We may have been brought up as a people pleaser or someone who needs to live up to mum or dad's or society's expectations or we just want to fit in and not be a little wierdo!
We humans, really struggle to be our authentic selves!
But the reason why being authentic is important is because if we're not, if we don't really truly live how we want to live, or be the people that we really, really want to be, we end up with a life that is fake and feels really shitty!
At the extreme end of it, we end up not knowing who we really are, what we really want or what we like or dislike. Life becomes just shades of black and white, instead of the glorious colorful life that it should be!
Have you every had the thought of -I don't really know who I am anymore!
Or - I don't really know what I like anymore.
Or - I don't know what it means to be free or have fun?
And have you ever had the feeling of being trapped? This is because you aren’t being yourself. You aren’t being who you really want to be.
And I'm speaking from experience here. And this is why I teach what I teach. It's because I've been there and done that and found ways to get out! I have felt that time in my life when I wasn't really truly expressing the person who I really wanted to be.
I’ve know what it was to not express the person that I was inside or do what I felt like I really wanted. I felt like I was bursting to come out. But instead I followed the crowd and I did what I thought I was needed to do. You know, the 9-5 job, the vision of climbing the corporate ladder etc etc. But inside I was really dying. I was like
Who am I? And what do I want to do? And this is the rest of my life where I'm just going to have to fake it?
Being authentic is really important for building your confidence. Because if you live a life that is not real for you - that is, do what's expected of you or say what's expected of you to say, then you start cutting yourself off from your spiritual self, your higher self, who actually wants the best of you to be expressed in the world.
So being authentic builds confidence… but what if I’m not confident enough to be authentic?
Yes… quite a conundrum right?
So let's just start with one end of the stick. So being authentic is really about aligning with your spirit and your higher self, and aligning with your values and your morals and doing essentially what makes you happy and being the kind of person that you want to be and not what others expect of you.
And on the flip side, being inauthentic is really when we get into people pleasing, and we try to live up to other people's expectations. We start losing who is that we are or we hide parts of ourselves.
I understand! These are things that I want that I've done before. So I know that I'm speaking from experience, I've done all of these things! But you know what? The more that I embraced me, this little wierdo with strange ideas who dreamed so much about the bigger picture of Joy and Happiness in the world, the more that I realized that it was vital part of what made me, me.
And the more that I shared the real me, the more I felt free! I didn’t have to use so much energy putting up a front. I was energetically better, I was giving of myself 100%, I felt like everything that flowed to me was actually elevating me and propelling me in the direction that was exciting and aligned and felt awesome, because I was being myself and I was no longer hiding.
We don't need to do any of this fake stuff. We don't need to try to pretend to be someone else.
This is where we get into the territory of imposter syndrome. Which is basically when you feel like you don't belong, or you shouldn't be there, or you're doing something that you don't deserve. It’s when you feel like you're living a lie.
And this only happens when you're being inauthentic in your mission to grow.
This is the “fake it till you make it” strategy. So outdated, such a masculine way of being. It’s got push, push, push energy and fear as the motivator. It’s ego-driven.
The more authentic way of stepping out of your comfort zone and growing yourself, would be to first acknowledge the discomfort you have.
Then ask yourself is this what someone else wants of me? Is this truly my next step? Am I faking it because I’m not living my truth or hiding something away?
And if the answer is yes to these things, then this step needs to be revised again, because you ARE being an imposter. That's the truth of it!
These feelings of inadequacy only come when we feel when we are being inauthentic (okay there are some self-worth issues here to but lets just stick to this topic for now!).
If we allow every single action to be truly ours there is no reason for us to feel that we don't fit in or don’t belong.
The consequences of being yourself can be painful though.
Because when you start to be yourself, you change the dynamics of every relationship that you have. The more that you start being more of yourself, you're either going to invite your friends and family and colleagues to become more of themselves as well.
Or they're going to go “What the fuck is up with you?” and shun you. And that can be rough, because you're so used to being in this group and suddenly you’re out of the group.
But that's alright! Because, you being your true shining, beautiful self, is going to attract those who are also being that. So the quality of your relationships from this moment on are going to be really heartfelt, and really authentic.
You’ll attract other wierdos, who love and understand your weaknesses and your eccentricities!
And there will be absolutely nothing to hide and you wont want to. Because your new posse will be fully embracing all of you, which will elevate your confidence in yourself.
So which kind of relationships would you prefer? The fake ones, or the real ones?
I know that on an energetic level, having to keep up a persona drains me completely and I want real conversations and interactions.
You have to make a choice of whether you want inauthentic relationships or real ones.
If you are choosing the real ones then you need to get real. Yes, you may lose friends. Yes, the dynamics will change…
But ultimately, it's your happiness and freedom that's at stake here! And if we don't be our authentic self, we literally trap ourselves in our own shit!
You are going to need to be courageous to live deeper, for your pleasure, happiness and freedom.
So… how can I be confidently authentic?
Plainly - you gotta leave behind your ego! And that means that you have to be prepared to have those judgments come towards you. You will need to lean into the face of the storm.
A practical way to prepare yourself for this is this: write down every possibility of what people will say and think about you. EVERYTHING. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly!
And start getting really comfortable with it ALL. And ask yourself -Am I prepared to potentially lose that relationship? Or have that relationship dynamic change?
When it starts to get a bit uncomfortable (and it will!) just remember what you're aiming for - your freedom and happiness to be YOU!
There’s a final reason that needs to be said about why we should strive for our authenticity! And it’s beyond confidence.
Being authentic is igniting that connection with soul/spirit. It reminds you why you're here and what you're here to do in the world.
Isn’t that the BEST reason to start being authentically you?
Here are a few questions to explore a bit deeper:
Where or with who or in what situations do I fail to be authentically me?
What small action can I take to express myself more authentically?
What does being authentic mean to me?
Comment below - I’d love to hear how you go!